Wednesday, 17 October 2018

4 things you should never say to someone who is anxious or depressed. What you should be saying instead.

4 things you should never say to someone who is anxious or depressed. What you should be saying instead.

Okay so I've dealt with anxiety and depression for many years now, and I've had my fair share of arguments with friends and family who cannot truly understand how I feel. I appreciate they're trying to help, but they will often say something more hurtful than helpful. Occasionally, I've been guilty of taking somebody's witty comment for something negative, and I'll blow it massively out of proportion which obviously can cause a lot of upset and negativity. 

There are several ways to say something to someone without causing hurt and offense, below are just a few examples and the more helpful and understanding ways you can help instead. 

'Why are you so upset? there is nothing to be upset about'

For anxiety and depression sufferers, this is not the best thing to say because all there thoughts and feelings are extremely real and intense for them. I'm often so upset and anxious and most of the time it's for no apparent reason. What I need is somebody to just be there and listen to me ranting and raving so I can let out all my insecurities and frustrations. We struggle to see anything in a positive light and feel frightened and upset. 

Instead, try to understand and let them know that you're there and really listening, offer some helpful advice or just be a shoulder to cry on. 

'Calm Down'

Saying calm down will not help at all, in fact, it can make us Irritated and extremely stressed out. Anxiety and depression can cause deep sadness and anger, and it's really frustrating being told to calm down on command. 

Try to ask in a positive way why they're suddenly so angry and upset, ask what made them feel that way and what can you do to help.

'I know exactly how you feel'

Well no, you don't understand how I feel If you have never experienced anxiety and depression yourself. To say you know how I feel is not helpful in the slightest, you can come off sounding patronizing and insulting.

Try to let them know that however bad it seems right now things will get better and you're there to talk if they need a chat.

'You don't look depressed'

Many people with depression can be really good at hiding it, so to say to someone you look fine is not going to help at all, I am excellent at bottling up my feelings just because I am too embarrassed to admit when Im offended or upset.

Try to let them know you are there for them, and can always reach out to you if they're upset, angry, or in need of a good cry. 

Trying to help someone who is anxious and depressed can be really hard but being patient, understanding and knowing the right things to say can really help. Try to remember that if whoever you know is feeling this way and you're finding it incredibly hard to help them, just being there listening and offering a ton of support can really help make a difference. 


  1. I agree with these 100%! I wish everyone could read this post.

    1. Hey, Im glad I'm not the only that hates all of these things they're so frustrating. Thanks for reading and commenting, feel free to share. ♥