Thursday, 11 April 2019

An Extremely Stressful, Anxious Month.

An Extremely Stressful, Anxious Month.

I feel like I haven't posted in such a long time and I'm finally able to squeeze in a spare hour to update you all on why I've been so quiet over the last month when before I was usually posting every other day. 

So a month ago my partner was at work, and he had a dreadful accident which resulted in his index finger having to be amputated it was absolutely horrendous, very traumatic and extremely gruesome. Though however bad it seemed it could have been a whole lot worse and he was just remarkably lucky that it was not his entire hand. He works with machinery and somehow his finger got sucked in, and basically ripped his bone out, so his finger was like mincemeat as I said it was very gruesome. 

He's had to take a month off work now and possibly much longer depending on how well he heals. I'm not gonna lie its been very difficult as he's only really had one hand I've had to obviously look after my son, cook morning noon and night, make plenty of drinks, help out with showers and baths, grocery shop by myself, sort all the bills, tidy every inch of this house, help him eat meals because he wasn't able to cut up food, sort endless amounts of laundry and try my very best to remain positive each day and keep his spirits up.

We've had our moments and he's been understandably pissed off and took it all out on me, I've occasionally snapped which I've felt appalled with myself for he is truly going through it at the moment and the last thing he needs is me stressing him out as well but I'm human and there's only so much I can take. It got to the point where I encouraged him to go and see his doctor because he was feeling really down, depressed, he would experience terrifying flashbacks of the incident, he couldn't sleep, he was crying and nothing I could say was helping him. I truly thought they would do something and maybe prescribe something to help him deal with this, but all they did was assure him that it was completely natural to feel this way after amputation it's just the shock and he would feel better as time went on, he was basically told to ride it out and it would eventually pass.

After a month of not knowing what was going to happen next, we finally had some good news he no longer has to wear bandages because he needs to let the air get to it to help it heal, he's actually able to use his hand a whole lot more now and can play FIFA which he's very happy about, so all we can do now is keep going and he will hopefully adjust. Witnessing my partner so down has been very upsetting, he's always been pretty strong and barely ever cries let alone sit in the corner of the sofa sobbing into a pillow, its been absolutely heartbreaking and as you can imagine, I've been in floods of tears with him obviously not in front of our son.

Speaking about our son he's been amazing so caring and helpful. He made a little joke the other day that instead of high fives, it will have to be four fives instead, which was so amazing and truly lifted our spirits. He also informed all of his school friends that daddy got bitten by a huge shark and it bit his finger off which caused a lot of parents to come and question if that was true or not. Gosh, kids say some funny things, don't they?

So life is starting to return back to normal and I can hopefully get back on track with connecting with you all. I've been doing a lot of knitting and crochet in my spare time, which has been a godsend and truly helped me relax. I've made a few things and if you would like I'll post my little creations soon and you can hopefully give me some opinions, would you be interested in that? Please let me know in the comments I'd love to show you.

I hope you're all safe and well and please forgive me if I take to long to write another post it's hard to squeeze in the time at the moment, but I promise I haven't disappeared and forgot about you all. I've got a lot of stuff I want to post, and my journal is full of some great ideas which I'm really excited about so please stay tuned.

Much love to you all xx

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Different types of body language that anxious people display

Different types of body language that anxious people display

When I'm out and about I turn into a nervous, anxious mess and however much I try to calm down and seem normal I know that I'm displaying all kinds of signs that I'm anxious, It's even worse when somebody tries to talk to me then its an entirely different ball game.

So if your anything like me then these different types of body language will definitely apply to you or if your not an anxious person but worried that somebody close to you is, then to take note and try to make your friend as comfortable and less awkward as possible.

Nail biting 

Playing with hair 

 Fidgeting with something in pockets

Lip biting

 Mumbling when talking, stuttering, stumbling over words 


Clearing throat 



Not looking up from the phone 

Staring into space 

excessive sighing 

Struggling to make conversation 

Sniffing a lot 

Constantly moving 

Refusing eye contact 

Talking quietly 

Do any of these sound familiar to any of you?

Thursday, 14 March 2019

Gifts I would love to receive to comfort me during anxious days.

Gifts I would love to receive to comfort me during anxious days

They're so many things that I'd love to own which I know would help my anxiety and could benefit me much more than regular gifts like cooking appliances, clothes or the usual bath products. Instead, I would love some cozy, comforting gifts that would make every day a little less stressful and could help calm me down when I'm Anxious or sad.

So I thought I'd share everything that I'd love to receive that would make my Anxiety much more tolerable and soothing and could hopefully give you some ideas for yourself, or somebody you know who suffers this horrible, isolating, scary, complete life ruiner.

Just a quick thing these are affiliate links which means at no extra cost to you I'll receive a small commission.

As you may know lavender is very good for anxiety, and I can't get enough. When I'm anxious It's so difficult to keep calm, however, after a few drops of lavender yes I may still feel a little anxious, but it can decrease my anxiety, so I'm able to feel calmer. It's one of my favorite smells, So I would certainly love to receive some of this. Click the image to purchase

I'd love this I'm one of those people that's continually cold even in the boiling hot summer I have to have some sort of blanket on, yes I sweat my arse off but it's like a comfort thing and something I've always done. This cozy blanket seems so great it's light, has 9 separate heat settings and it's also machine washable this would make an amazing gift. Click image to purchase.

Positivity In a jar, who wouldn't love this. When I'm having one of those anxious, down, negative days. It would be a great thing to make me smile and feel a lot more positive. Click image to purchase.

My cousin has one of these, and It's so amazing, it's relaxing, smells lovely and it can play music so during an anxious episode, it would be great to play some nice chill out sounds while inhaling the aromas. It can help transport you to a different place away from stress and anxiety. Click image to purchase.

I have anxiety nearly every day and struggle to complete daily tasks, with these keep calm cards, you can pull one out and find a specific exercise to make you feel better. There are 55 specially designed cards to truly help you relax. Click the image to purchase. 

An easy way to practice mindfulness. This adorable gift is excellent and has plenty of techniques to create a week-long challenge for yourself. What I think is cute is it includes four gifts in each box to help you with a daily task. Click the image to purchase. 

I love crystals so this would be an amazing gift to receive. The black Tourmaline can help with a number of things as well as anxiety such as pain, blood circulation, sleep, and muscle tension. It also looks really pretty. Click image to purchase. 

I love baths and try to have one every single evening before bed to really help me relax. This aromatherapy bath oil can help de-stress you and it smells amazing. This could definitely help improve anxiety and would make a lovely gift for yourself or somebody else.  Click to purchase.

These are only a few of the things that would help anxiety, and they are all going on my birthday and Christmas lists. 

Let me know if you have tried any of these or if you decide to purchase. 

Thursday, 7 March 2019

Why I started blogging and how much it's helped my mental health.

Before I started this blog, I'd sit each night crying watching some rubbish tv, feeling isolated, depressed and thought if I didn't have my son what would be the point in carrying on. Nobody knew how I was feeling, because I kept everything bottled up apart from the times I would sit and sob uncontrollably, and reassured everyone that I was fine, that it was just mummy hormones. I would stare into space bored and fed up with everything.

One day I was searching online for articles regarding anxiety and depression, and I noticed some amazing blogs, which I now cannot remember because life was a blur during that time. However, after reading and feeling exactly the same, I scrolled down to the comments and noticed the replies were full of like-minded people, and they were extremely supportive of each other its as if they were the best of friends and were there for each other day and night. I would love to have that, all I had was a journal, which I absolutely love but nobody can see it, nobody can comment, nobody can laugh with me, cry with me, and share the same insecurities as me.

After spending weeks questioning myself, wondering If I would be good enough and if anybody would have any interest In what I had to say, not to mention anxiety sneaking in and making me feel like a laughing stock. I couldn't handle people being mean and leaving any nasty comments, that would probably have made me give up, delete and never look online again.  So after months of thinking about it, I told myself that no matter what people will say or think about me its clearly in my mind continually for a reason, and it's not something I can forget so what the hell, I decided to give it a shot.

How I began.

I had no extra money to buy a domain name, so I had to create a free blog on blogger. I created multiple blogs and they weren't going well nobody was reading I had no comments no shares I felt ignored it was very disheartening. I tried several different niches one was a pet blog about cats, the next was an affiliate network blog full of Disney products, the next was about fashion and celebrities, and the one before this was a movie review blog. I wasn't passionate about any of these, I lost interest, and I just didn't have enough knowledge on them which Is why I deleted them.

I also wanted to remain anonymous, only because I didn't want my family to come across one of my posts and possibly be mad that I'm talking online and not to them, plus I would feel so embarrassed and think they would laugh and not take me seriously. I'm completely fine with being anonymous although I do understand that I could probably get some more shares and better promotion if I revealed myself, I'm not ready to do that just yet, I'm not saying never but at the moment being anonymous works fine. 

I wanted to write about my anxiety and depression, but I was too afraid In case I'd receive criticism it would horrify me, and I didn't feel brave enough to have to deal with that. So after weeks of feeling like a failure, one evening I was writing in my journal and suddenly thought this would be amazing if somebody could read it. So out came my laptop and I questioned for the best part of an hour if I should or shouldn't but I did, I logged into, and stared at the screen attempting to come up with a username everything I picked was already taken, So I explored online for prompts and came across several which I liked, but again they were taken. I looked up words to describe depression and found the word broken than another word I saw on a magazine, which said peaceful so I played around with the words and decided to go with peacefully broken and that was that. To this day I'm not sure if I picked the right name, but I've had no negative comments about it, so I'm guessing it's okay, what do you think? 

I did it I made a blog, at that point, I had some extra money and brought my own domain name and I was ready, I kept the design rather simple then I started to write some posts.

How did I promote? 

At first, I only promoted my posts on Pinterest, which was okay I received some shares and saves, no comments though, but as long as people were reading that was more than enough for me. Time went past, and I started to realize that I needed more views and comments. I researched, and I read about bloglovin, and medium I placed my blog on all three and again received some shares and reads but that was it. I didn't feel connected with people, I wanted to talk, and realize what I was writing was actually helping somebody. As I mentioned above, I was too afraid to reveal my true self, so I tried to stay away from facebook and twitter in case my family noticed that it was me, but I realized I had to do it, it was the only way to gain more exposure.

So I signed up for Twitter rather than Facebook because most of my family haven't got twitter accounts so nobody could find me. Below are the names again of where I promote my posts, in case you're struggling like I was.

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Blogloving

How amazing Twitter is for promotion. 

I don't know why I didn't use twitter all along its amazing, I've made friends with like-minded people, my posts have been retweeted, and I've had plenty of comments which I never had before, everyone has been lovely and incredibly supportive. I no longer sit each night sad and alone I can log into Twitter and see what others are feeling and engage in conversations.

Each time I finish a post I immediately share to twitter which helps if you use relevant hashtags, and there are profiles on Twitter that you can mention and they will retweet your post to lots of their followers for you, it's great and very helpful. I would highly recommend using Twitter for promotion not only can you make friends but it can grow your blog immensely.

I have also been nominated for numerous versatile blogger awards, which was such a shock, I was overjoyed because I truly thought nobody would be interested in anything I had to say, so it was such a pleasant surprise.

How blogging has helped my anxiety and depression. 

As I said, I often feel so lonely, and I want to share my story with the world. I do have some very low days and have nobody to talk to, so I take out my laptop, erratically type away at an incredible rate, I cry, I laugh, I sob, and I have the never-ending doubts in my mind where I'm debating whether or not to press publish. However, after receiving a heartfelt comment, it makes the entire thing well worth it. Whenever I've had troubles in life I've wanted to hide away, take myself to bed and ignore the world but instead, I've written about it, and it truly does make me feel ten times better. It helps me get all my negative emotions out in the open and completely clears my mind. 

The people I talk to are from all over the world, and it's amazing to think that there are others out there, however many miles away you can connect with and help each other. My partner has noticed that in the last couple of weeks, I've sounded happier and haven't been crying uncontrollably on and off. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of bad days where my anxiety has got so bad that I physically can't even think about blogging, so I'm not saying its a lifelong cure or anything, but it's a pleasant way to beat loneliness and let out any thoughts and frustrations.

I highly recommend starting a blog, yes at first it can be dishearting because of the lack of comments or shares, but if you keep at it and try your best to connect with people, comment on some peoples blog posts which is very good for promotion, and post regularly you'll get there. Hopefully, you'll start to see some of the amazing effects it can have on mental health.

Thanks for reading I hope I have helped in some way. 

Wednesday, 6 March 2019

15 things I do on a day to day bases because of depression

15 things I do on a day to day bases because of depression

There are so many things I do each day that a lot of people don't understand and I'm usually told to grow up, It's all in your head, you don't look or sound depressed, just get over it. I don't know about you but that just pisses me off and makes me feel increasingly isolated and emotional. 

I've spoken to many people about depression, and a lot of us don't realize that the simple things we're doing each day do not make us weird or outcasts, it's simply down to the horrendous effects of depression and anxiety. Because I love to help people feel better about themselves and realize that they're not alone. I've chosen to list these 15 things below so you can feel rest assured that they are common and go hand in hand with anxiety and depression. 

Lay awake for hours before getting out of bed. 
I don't do this so much now because I have to make myself get up for the school runs and mum duties, but on the days when my partner takes care of our son, I'll lay there for hours either staring into space or scrolling on my phone trying my hardest to go back to sleep because I can't bear the idea of getting up and trying to make it through the day.

Constantly be on my phone. 
When my son is home I obviously don't do this because most of my attention is focused on him, but during school hours and bedtimes I'm constantly scrolling through social media or playing games. I find it really distracting, and it can help my mind focus on something else entirely.

Canceling plans at the last minute. 
I can make tons of plans to see people and then at the last minute, I'll become so anxious that I'll much rather stay home away from anyone and stay in my own little bubble.

Binge eat
I will snack on something even if I'm not hungry it's comforting and distracting. Although after I'll immediately regret it, think about my weight and worry that I've damaged my health in some way. 

Seem rude or antisocial 
When I find myself in a social situation I struggle with my words, suddenly become silent, and try not to make any eye contact. People think I'm being rude and obnoxious, but I'm really not, I'm just terrified to speak in case I make a fool of myself. 

Freak out about financial issues and bills 
I try to pay bills on time, but when I'm late paying, I freak out and not want to discuss it. I imagine debt collectors knocking on the door and taking me to prison.

Constantly feel tired
I could go back to bed any time of day and fall asleep instantly because I'm overwhelmed with how the day is going and I'm finding it hard to remain calm. However, during the night it becomes so difficult because I'm worried about the day ahead, and I find it hard to switch off.

Being mean to loved ones
I honestly don't know how my partner sticks around, I can go from 0 to 100 real quick and say some truly horrible things. Afterwards I feel so guilty and angry with myself.

Giving up on household chores 
Sometimes I'll refuse to clean the dishes, or I'll neglect to tidy up and people think I'm being lazy but I'm really not, it's just I cannot bring myself to do these things.

Refusing to shower for days 
This may sound gross to some people but sometimes I physically cannot make myself shower, I'll wash and make sure I'm not smelly, my hair is often neglected and eventually, I will have to force myself to shower.

Imagine a better life. 
I sit with the tv on not even watching because my mind wonders and I'm picturing a better life away from depression and anxiety. I imagine being filthy rich, own a lovely big house, go on holidays, have lots of friends, and give my son the best life I can give him without ever being sad again.

Refuse to speak on the phone. 
I'll never answer a phone call, I'll wait until the phone stops ringing and then I'll send a text because I  hate having to talk in case I say something embarrassing or offensive.

Telling everyone that 'Im fine' 
If I'm a little moody or upset I'll never tell anyone, I'll reassure people that I'm fine even though I could break down in tears and have a mini breakdown right then and there.

Constantly remember past mistakes. 
I will sit and remember stuff that happened maybe 10 or 15 years ago or something that happened to me as a child and its never the happy memories it will always be the unhappy ones which I would much rather forget.

Become convinced that everybody hates me. 
I feel like people don't like me instead they just putting up with me because they feel they have to.

Do you feel any of these things?