Tuesday, 15 January 2019

My little embarrassing problem sent my anxiety through the roof!!!!!!!!

My little embarrassing problem sent my anxiety through the roof!!!!!!!!

Ever since New year, I've had to quietly deal with a somewhat embarrassing, yet entirely common problem which has gradually got worse and worse to the point where I can't even sit down without feeling enormous discomfort, I can't walk normally without looking like I've just given birth, and the intense itching has made me crazy.

Can you guess what it is yet? That's right it's the ever so lovely and annoyingly bothersome condition called THRUSH. I've suffered from this a couple of times before, but this time it's a million times worse. Each night I've sat with my cuppa coffee and favorite snacks trying to watch my favorite show on tv, and bam, the irritating itching begins, I'm trying my hardest to resist the urge to scratch because I know it's going to cause me even more discomfort and no amount of cream has helped.

The amount of pain I've been in has been ridiculous It feels, like a huge bruise down there and truly feels as if given birth again that sore, bruised aching feeling that just won't let up. I made the mistake of googling the word thrush and cancer that's my trouble I always look for the worst case scenarios and end up in an enormous state thinking I'm going to die. If you do a quick google search you will see what I mean. 

I've been in floods of tears over this much to the confusion of my partner who could do nothing but tell me I was being over dramatic, and If it was that bad, I should probably go to the doctors. Days past and the pain and itching became unbearable I couldn't sleep, couldn't walk, couldn't sit down, even showering became difficult. So I finally psyched myself up and booked an appointment, but I was so embarrassed even though I've had a baby and literally lost every ounce of my dignity giving birth, the idea of a complete stranger shining a bright light down there was horrifying. 

On the day of the appointment, I stood in the shower tried my best to wash without causing any pain I made sure I looked tidy down there and shaved my legs. Gosh, I make more of an effort seeing a random doctor then when I'm going on a night out its crazy. 

So I dropped my son to school that morning and raced to the bus stop which instantly made me anxious I mean I had to run which meant I began to sweat and I was so worried that I would become smelly I wanted to ring and cancel. In most cases, I probably would have, but it was at the stage where it was affecting my entire life so no I ignored my feelings and dragged my sore, itchy self there. 

The doctor was great she made me feel relaxed and asked if I wanted her to have a look, in my head I was thinking yes I do mind and I definitely don't want to lay there and expose myself and reveal this embarrassing problem I have, but I thought about the long term and how much I want this to go away so I can begin to feel normal again. 

She asked me questions and the only reasonable explanation we came up with, was over Christmas I had a period, and because of my anxiety issues, I refuse to wear tampons mainly because Im terrified of developing toxic shock syndrome. So now I only wear pads, which often rub and cause itching so this is why it happened. 

I left the doctors surgery with a prescription for caneston cream and a pessary which I'll be honest I have not done yet because im so scared it's going to hurt yes I know it can't be any worse than childbirth, but I'm such a wimp when it comes to things like this, so I'm going to carry on with the cream for a few more days and see how I go. 

To anyone out there too afraid to go the doctors about this my advice is just to work up some courage and go it's never as bad as you think. Just imagine the number of people who visit doctors each day they have seen it all before and are there to help us, they don't want us to be uncomfortable and you'll only be on that table for two minutes it's over very fast, and they're so professional and never make us feel embarrassed.

Have you ever suffered from this? What did you do to help this irritating thing? 

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