Monday, 21 January 2019

Why confrontations terrify me, and makes me extremely Anxious

Why confrontations terrify me, and make me extremely Anxious

Confrontations are one of the worst situations to be in especially when I'm already feeling anxious. There have been times where I've been involved in something and usually its one of those annoying he said, she saids, between friends. Rather than confront the issues, I'll disregard them altogether, and I could easily go days, weeks or even months ignoring everyone because I'm too much of a coward to speak up and defend myself. 

There have been so many times where I've just let people treat me like trash or say something incredibly offensive because I'm feeling totally incapable of standing up for myself, and having to look someone dead in the eye trying to fight my corner is not easy especially when im already struggling to string a bloody sentence together without stuttering. It's awful I'll abandon my friends because I don't want to deal with the uncomfortableness of the entire argument. 

The one time I did confront somebody, was at a party, and I admit I did have one too many wines and got a little brave. Basically, this girl who I'd never even met before was trying her best to stir up trouble between me and a close friend, and I did put up with this for a while, however, this night I had just about enough and decided now was the time I stood up for myself. I practiced what I was going to say a dozen times in my head before I approached her, I calmly strolled over and asked why she had such an issue with me especially when she doesn't even know me and not for one second did I raise my voice. I waited for her response, but she just laughed and turned away from me. So I tapped her on the shoulder and politely asked her to not to laugh at me and please answer my question. I explained that I hadn't done anything to her and demanded to know what her problem was, but all of a sudden this girl started yelling at me WHAT THE HECK.

She litrally went from 0 to 100 in seconds and screamed about some petty argument me and my friend had two years prior to this which had since been resolved. Again I calmly informed her that it was over and done with and is now no longer relevant, also she was not there, so has no right to bring that up when its nothing to do with her. She certainly didn't like that and carried on raging at me. I could see crowds of people around us witnessing this and I became immediately embarrassed. It felt like everyone was closing in on me, and I found it so hard to breathe. I was sweating, shaking and holding back the tears. I glanced over at my friend and told her I was going home and wandered out. As I left my eyes filled up with tears, and I felt like everyone was against me, the worst part is nobody followed me outside. I stood and waited for around ten minutes in case my friend came to support me but nobody came. I could hear everyone carrying on enjoying the party laughing, dancing and having fun and there was me walking home alone, trying to cry discreetly so nobody would notice. Since then I've barely spoken to my friend because I felt disregarded and very lonely.

Because of this, I avoid confrontations at all costs as I cannot stand how frightened it makes me feel and Its just not worth all the pain and upset.

Do you struggle with confrontation anxiety? If so how do you handle it?

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