Tuesday, 5 March 2019

My first evening out in a long time, turned into a nightmare!!!!!


The reason I love blogging is I can let go of all my upsets, frustrations and let out everything that's bothering me and making me feel depressed. I've been stewing on this for the last two days and because I'm so embarrassed I haven't told anyone what has happened apart from my partner, until now, I'm going to share this with all of you because you guys really make me feel better when I'm down and honestly help me to smile. So please stick around until the end of this post and give me some much needed advice. 


I've spoken previously about having no real friends which if you haven't already read and you would like to, then click here. So after a year of ignoring me unless I messaged first, one of my friends chose to make contact with me and for obvious reasons, I'm not going disclose any real names, so let's just call this friend Betty. Well, Betty phoned me at the beginning of last week and asked me out for dinner and a few drinks. Now as you know I have social anxiety and I'm often canceling my plans, so I declined on more than one occasion. However, betty bombarded me with texts and phone calls until I felt like I had to because I didn't want to keep refusing out of fear that it will end our friendship completely. I regretfully agreed also I hadn't been on a night out in years since I broke my leg, so I was terrified.

The dreaded day finally arrived, and I felt very shaky and physically sick. I received a message from Betty informing me that another old friend was coming, I'll call her Mary. So Betty picked me up, and we had a few pre-drinks at her house and everything was fine we laughed, made jokes, traded stories from the past and after a few hours we were on our way to dinner. After we finished stuffing our faces we decided to head to a local bar obviously, I had a few drinks by this point, so I felt a lot more confident.

After more and more drinks and several shots, we were dancing and having an amazing time. Then everything suddenly went downhill. I walked to the toilet, after Betty and Mary kind of left me out and did their own thing and you know how it is, when your drinking you make friends with anyone, well I do anyway. I met a girl in the toilet and we got on immediately, we had lots in common but out of nowhere, Betty appeared with a face of thunder and was extremely rude, shouting 'who the hell is that' and 'why are you talking to her' right in front of this girl, I was mortified. My new friend left and I felt extremely angry, I told the pair of them that I wanted to go home.

Walking through the streets Betty and Mary were behind laughing and joking and I was just pissed off, all I wanted to do was go home, and you know when you're in that frame of mind, you suddenly walk at an incredible rate or is that just me.?

So, before I knew it I was miles in front, and then I heard them yelling my name I shook my head and carried on, I thought I could get myself home but just my luck I lost my handbag with my money in very irresponsible I know, and this is why I hate going out to drink. I turned back thinking maybe one of them had my bag but as I approached I had betty screaming at me asking what she did wrong and all I said was I don't want to talk I just want to go home to which mary pushed me against a wall and held me there so I couldn't move and proceeded to scream in my face. When I eventually pushed betty off me and tried to walk away, mary decided to have a turn she held me against a wall, telling ME TO CALM DOWN. What the hell I was calm all I was doing was defending myself, against two people trying deliberately to provoke me. I asked two passers-by to get her off, they walked over and she eventually let go of me pushing me to the ground I quickly got up and screamed at the pair of them to stay away from me and carried on walking. By this point, it started to rain I was soaking wet and freezing cold.

I walked around the corner and found a taxi line as I queued up mary shouted my name again, I looked away, but she stood next to me and began to tell me how horrible and offensive I was to the pair of them. I giggled, and yes I did get a little angry from the blatant lies. Once again I told her that all I wanted to do was go home, and how they were the ones who pushed and held me against a wall for no obvious reason. Mary suddenly responded with I'm gonna punch you in the face, I said go ahead, not believing she actually would but to my shock she did, and I was screaming with anger at this point. A few onlookers believed I would hit her back and held my arms. However, I assured them that I would never do that because I'm not a violent person, I hate confrontation and any type of conflict. I'm a quiet, friendly person and I didn't deserve any of this.

The next thing I knew I was approached by a policeman and I explained about the whole incident, he asked where they were but of course they were gone by this point I couldn't see them anywhere. I told him all I wanted to do was get home and I was waiting for a taxi, he stayed with me for several minutes, until I calmed myself down and then he left. But being so agitated, I neglected to tell him that all my money was in my bag which I lost, so I stood there scared and freezing cold, and I was actually considering walking home, which would have been a good hours walk away. As soon as the police disappeared, out came my so-called friends, I noticed Mary was on the phone staring straight at me as she spoke, I asked who she was talking to and it was none other than my partner who was at home.

He must have been hitting some nerves because she was getting angry, I demanded to talk to him and because I was feeling humiliated I began sobbing and informed him that I didn't do anything wrong, he tried to comfort me and asked where my money was, I told him I lost it and I had no way of getting home. He told me that he had money and to get in a taxi and he will pay the other end. That was all well and good, but no taxi was allowing it without being paid upfront, by this point mary walked over to me again, I held out my arm and told her to stay away from me, she asked me if I wanted to share a cab with them, of course I didn't they both just treated me like a piece of trash but I had to swallow my pride and agree.

The ride home was incredibly awkward, Betty was sitting next to me with her back turned looking out the window, and there was an uncomfortable silence. As we arrived at Betty's, I realized my phone was in her house so I asked Betty to please get it, and as you can imagine I got a foul-mouthed response so mary got it for me instead. Once she eventually returned to the taxi with my phone, Mary informed me that Betty had a message for me to stay out of her life I chuckled and said 'tell her she could have told me herself' and 'I'll gladly stay out both you're lives' she said bye and slammed the door then the taxi took me home.

Once I arrived home, I was so upset and hugged my partner, he told me I did nothing wrong, and I never have to see the pair of them again. The next day I was in so much pain, my chest was bruised, my cheek was hurting even though there was no bruise or anything, my left arm was so painful to move, which was obviously where they dragged me around, I was so sore.

After laying in bed all morning while my partner took care of our son, I cried on and off for hours and felt totally humiliated. I questioned over and over again if I provoked them, but I really didn't, all I wanted to do was go home. I truly didn't deserve any of it. I did nothing wrong but make friends with somebody else, yes I walked ahead of them but did that mean I deserved them being violent towards me?

After a few more hours feeling depressed in bed, I decided to send a simple polite text to Mary saying

'I'm sorry If I offended either of you, but I don't want to speak or hear from the pair of you again. I didn't deserve that I could understand If I did something terrible, but all I did was talk to somebody else. How could you treat one of your friends like that? We're not teenagers, we are In our thirties there's no need to be violent and offensive.' 

The response I received simply said 'The feelings mutual.' no apology nothing. And what happened next I logged into facebook deleted and blocked the pair of them, removed all our photos and even blocked their phone numbers so they cannot contact me. That may sound immature, but it made me feel a little smug and better about myself.

My shoulder is feeling a little better, yet my chest is still bruised and sore, and I'm still feeling humiliated. I just can't get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I've never been treated that way in my life, I've never been in any type of physical confrontation and It's not something I ever want to experience again. I feel like a small part of this was my fault and it's getting me so down and miserable every time I think about it.

So what do you guys think, was it my fault?

And have you got any tips of blocking this horrible experience out of my mind?





8 comments:

  1. Oh my. What an terrible story. I'm sorry you have had to experience this horrible situation. Placing blame aside for a moment; there is never an excusable reason to assault someone or resorting to violence. Based on this story, these sound like toxic friends unfortunately. While you might feel a bit of a loss right now, in the long run your situation will be better without them in your life. Sorry you had this experience.

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    1. Yes, it was horrendous, and not something I want to experience ever again. They are very toxic and not people I want in my life anymore. Thank you, I know I will feel better eventually and realise How better off I am. Thanks for reading. ♥

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  2. Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through this. In no way, shape or form was this your fault. These people are not your friends at all, and you’ll be better off without them in your life. I hope you feel better ��

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    1. Thank you, I've been sat thinking about this over and over again, I find it kind of sad that I've known these people for the last five or six years and they think it was acceptable to treat me this way. However, I can now move on and forget about them and as you say I'll be a lot better off. Thank you for reading. ♥

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  3. Of course it wasn't your fault! It's so sad to hear how they both treated you so badly for no reason at all. Try and keep your head up and know that they are the ones who should be feeling humiliated, not you. Take care!

    Coralle x

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    1. Thank you, I know I could understand If I did something terrible to them, but I did absolutely nothing it was awful. I will try to keep my head up and hopefully get over this soon. Thank you so much for commenting. ♥

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  4. Hi there

    So sorry to hear about the events that has taken place.

    I can’t comment on fault as I only have one side of the story and have not seen any of the things taking place.
    I will however say on an overall perspective that I find it very hard to believe that there will be any excuse that can justify violence.
    It seems the making new friends part was the trigger somehow although I don’t know why. On a rational level you could suggest that instead of just saying “I want to go home” then actually put words to the things that are bothering/hurting -
    But... and it’s a BIG but...it doesn’t seem like Betty nor Mary were in any state to have a rational conversation.
    When people become unrational I get out of dodge. I leave. Having social anxiety and KNOWING I might have to leave at one point, means that I ALWAYS carry the necesseties on me. Fuck lipsticks and powders - I need my keys, my phone and my money. If that requires a rucksack, I’m bringing a rucksack. If it means jeans with pockets rather than a dress, so be it.
    Two points made your evening unnecessarily difficult - the loss of your bag and the phone at Bettys. None is your fault, we don’t leave our possesions on purpose! But learn from it. Find ways to make sure these things (and thereby your freedom to leave when YOU need to) is always attached to you or within grasp.
    I feel you must try to let the “fault”-scenario go, I know it’s hard, but try.
    You did everything you could to de-escalate - and cuddos for blocking their sorry asses!
    BUT: Don’t apologize for something you didn’t do. Instead of “I’m sorry if I offended...” go with “I don’t understand what got you so angry..” or smth similar. According to your text, the blogpost, you have nothing to apologize for. This is advice for the future. We can’t change the past. Only learn.
    But I am so glad someone was there to hug you and take care of you.
    I am sending you all my hugs...❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Hey, yeah I had a feeling when she became angry that I was talking to somebody else that things were gonna change, that's why I started to leave and walk away, If I had enough courage I probably would have tried to talk to her but I knew how that conversation was going to go and I didn't want to be put myself through that. I couldn't believe I lost my bag that was so unfortunate and made the whole thing a million times worse. I agree I didn't think that text through and shouldn't have said I was sorry because I had nothing to apologise for they did. Yes, I'm so glad my partner was home because I was in such a mess, it would have been awful if I was on my own and you're right we can't change the past so I need to try my best to move on and learn from it. Thank you so much for your comment truly means a lot. ♥♥♥

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